Delivered at Camp Ray of Hope September 2004, soon after the death of my father, who helped me find meaning in my life after my husband and son died. He was a cancer survivor for 22 years! He lived 21 years longer than the Dr. expected.This picture was actually taken five years after his diagnosis and surgery. There was no treatment for his cancer so he overcame the disease by finding meaning and joy in the simple things that - as we all learn with age are not necessarily the simple things but the most important. Dad was an inspiration to us all. This was written with him in mind as I recalled his courage, spirit and jest for life! I love you Dad! You will always be my hero!
One of my favorite movies of all time is “On Golden Pond?” I remember my parents going to see it at the movie theater, and how they enjoyed the banter back and forth between Ethel and Norman. My parents joked about that movie a lot, but I knew it was part of their anticipation about their next stage in life, as they tried to imagine what was in store. As they explored what would be meaningful in that next era.
In “On Golden Pond” Norman was retired – had been for nearly twenty years – but still had not found his comfort zone in that new role. He was, it would seem, one of those people whose identity was tied to what he did and not to his person hood. In the movie, Norman achingly searched for “gainful employment” when things and people far more meaningful were right under his nose.
On Golden Pond was brimming with other life lessons. When I envision my favorite scenes I recall summer on the lake, the call of the loons, humor, traditions, facing fears, growing up, the excitement of new beginnings, the unconditional love of a mother and courage to set limits. Those are the things that come to mind immediately, but when I dig deeper I also recall the challenging relationships, the sadness of lost dreams, aging without dignity, frustration, stubbornness, fear, the confusion and anger of a young man who felt unloved and unwanted, and eighty year old man waiting to die because he could not find gainful employment.
I expect Norman would have asked some of the same questions as Ecclesiastes did in the Bible: “What is the point of life? You work hard, and someone else gets all the credit. You struggle to be good, and evil people take advantage of you. You accumulate money, and it just goes to spoiled heirs. You seek pleasure, and it turns sour on you. And everyone – rich or poor, good or evil – meets the same end. We all die. There is only one word to describe this life: meaningless!”
I expect we have all had struggled with these feelings, thoughts and experiences at some time or another. We all have times when life seems unfair. We have all searched for reasons why – for the meaningfulness of life. We never ask this question more than when someone we love has died. Loss of a close relationship leaves a void beyond description. We lose perspective on the reasons for our very existence and sight of our purpose. Our passion fades, and sometimes our will to go on falters. We look to others who have “been there “and ask “How did you do it? Where did you find hope?”
Like Norman, we have meaning all around us - Look beside you, touch the hand of someone who cares, listen to the loons, smell Mother Earth, say a prayer, give yourself permission to smile – or even laugh – revisit old traditions and make some new ones, face your fears, shed some tears, set some limits, accept unconditional love with grace, and embrace new beginnings. Those are the things that bring hope and meaningfulness to life.
Having tried everything life had to offer Ecclesiastes circled back to an uncomplicated formula for making sense of our time on earth. Ecclesiastes 12:13 says “Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter. Keep God’s commandments for this is the whole duty of man.”
Praise be to God.
