Are you a prisoner of Hope?

Sunday Morning Message at Camp Ray of Hope September 16, 2007 written and delivered by Dale Marie Clark

As I sat at my computer Wednesday morning and began to write this message I was not sure what direction it would take. As I tried to bring my thoughts together I heard a familiar little chime that told me a new email message had arrived. I was not going to check it at first, thinking that I would get side tracked, but I decided to let go of that feeling – knowing that little miracles often come my way and perhaps this would be one of those times. Sure enough - the first line of the email was from the Book of Zechariah and it said: If you will be a prisoner of hope, God will restore back to you double everything that was stolen” (Zechariah 9:12).

My first thought was “prisoner of Hope” – that is an odd twist on Hope but as I read on it made sense. The message went on to ask: “Are you in an emotional prison today? You may not have thought about it that way, but if you are holding unforgiveness or bitterness towards someone who has wronged you… that is an emotional prison”. The Word of God promises that if you’ll step out of that prison and become a prisoner of hope, God will restore back to you double for your trouble! That means if someone does you wrong, instead of getting negative and bitter, your attitude could be, “They just did me a favor. They just qualified me for double.” That attitude will make you a prisoner of hope.”

I looked up some definitions of Hope: Hope is a source of success; Hope is for somebody or something that seems likely to bring relief; Hope is a feeling of trust; Hope is want, expectation or wish for something to happen or be true, especially something that seems possible or likely.

Does that mean that one cannot feel hopeful when they are in the depths of despair, emotional pain, loneliness, fear. When they are unable to envision a cure, find relief or feel trust?

I remember all those feelings following the deaths of my husband and son. I could not imagine my life or envision my future without them – say nothing of envision a happy future. Every morning when I woke up (when I was able to sleep) I immediately sunk into that space of mental anguish, loneliness and helplessness. This went on for weeks – perhaps months – it is hard to remember exactly. And then one morning I woke up, looked out the window and my first thoughts were “it is a beautiful day”. Now that lasted for about 10 seconds but those were the most hopeful 10 seconds I have ever experienced in my 59 years because almost simultaneously I realized there was hope after all. I knew at that moment that I would not have to feel this way every minute of every waking hour for the rest of my life, and with that hope I felt relief. I slowly began to trust I had a future. On that day I began moving forward – not a miraculous recovery - the path was still long and painful and LOTS of work – but I soon after started wishing – and hoping - for new life and expecting that something wonderful was possible and likely to happen.
My Wednesday morning message went on to say“When you’re a prisoner of hope, you simply can’t stop hoping. You are locked in! Locked into that attitude that says, “I will not be defeated. It may look impossible, but I know God can do the impossible. It may be taking a long time, but in due season I know I will reap if I just don’t give up.” Stand in that place of hope knowing that you will come out with twice the joy, and twice the peace!
A wooden star hangs from my kitchen mantle that says: Hope: Expectation of Good. That star reminds me daily of the importance of retaining Hope during stressful and busy times but more importantly of the Hope that carried me through some extreme trials and traumas – the Hope that led me to all of you.

Through the Dark Waters

Message written and delivered at the Camp Ray of Hope Sunday morning spiritual gathering September 17, 2006.

When I was a child I loved the water. Water gave me great joy as I waded and splashed and paddled or drifted in the sunlight . As I grew older I lost that avid desire to play in the water but came to appreciate the beauty and restfulness of a lakeside or ocean side scene. I learned to appreciate the waves that lapped at the shore, the sunlight sparkle on the surface, and the sounds of children’s laughter when they played as I once had. As a child I felt fortunate that I was a pretty decent swimmer and did not have a fear of the water like many of my friends did. To me it was like a good friend – to be respected but to bring joy and good memories.

On the afternoon my husband died and I found his body I felt almost paralyzed – even though I went through the motions and did what I had to at the moment – many of you know the feeling. A heavy, heavy curtain fell over me and it was almost as if I were buried or drowning. It was so heavy I was not sure I could even put one foot in front of the other. My mind ran wild but my body said STOP! I could not feel! I remember sitting in the kitchen with my mother and aunt, who had also tragically lost a husband many years before, and they both said “Go take a shower Dale, you will feel better.” A shower, I thought, that is the LAST thing on my mind right now. But for a lack of knowing what else to do – I took a shower. There, in that private space, with the water flowing over my body I felt comforted. It was as if the water was washing away all the contamination of the day. It was if the water was giving me new energy and cleansing me of grief. It was there I shed my first tears. I remember hearing my mother say, from the kitchen, she is crying now, and my aunt said good! She needs to do that. As I heard those words and felt the water wash away my flood of tears I knew that water was and would be my friend once again!

I found solace near the water in the months that followed. Sometimes I would drive long distances just to be near the ocean and to watch the waves crash onto the shore. I wondered why I felt drawn there – was it because I began my physical existence immersed in warm amniotic fluid where I was safe and protected by my mother’s love and acceptance? Was this the closest I could get to my Creator in my crazy world of grief? I did not know, but I had learned to follow my heart and made my way to the water to re-nourish my spirit every chance I could!

In the years since I have been asked many times how I got through that time in my life and as I sort through all the ways – the water, my faith, family, friends, books, exercise – it all comes down to one simple answer. Either you do or you die! I chose to live! With most things in life we have choices, and how you get through your grief journey is also your choice. Will you be like the river where living creatures flourish, where trees grow and bear fruit on the banks, where beauty abounds and life is ever-changing? Or, will you be like the swamps and marshes that are stagnant? Will you use all your energy to dam back your tears and to harbor your anger until you have no energy left to embrace the beauty around you? Will you flood your body with toxic fluids to numb yourself from the pain – only to wake the next day to know the pain is still there – so you do the same thing day after day?

God gave us life. He created it within us, around us, above us and below us. You can avoid it, but do you want to? Or, can you flow with it? Can you face the challenges it brings? Can you drink in its beauty? Learn when to swim and when to rest and drift? Can you grasp the hand of another person who is struggling to make their way? Can you face the storm and find a rainbow? I think you can!

Lead Me Lord to Higher Ground

Written for and delivered at the Camp Ray of Hope Sunday morning spiritual gathering September 2005.

One week ago I attended the funeral of a young man who died very unexpectedly. Jim was a successful businessman, husband, father, brother and friend to many – as was evidenced by the number of people who attended his memorial service. This was a man who had worked very hard all of his life – along with his father and brothers – to build a family empire. He was remembered that day for his strong work ethic, service to church, community government and kindness to his family, friends and neighbors. Had his legacy not included kindness and generosity to family, friends and neighbors I wonder how he would have been remembered?

This year I have companioned a friend through a very difficult time. She has not been treated well by the person she had vowed her heart and trust to for a lifetime. Through the pain, confusion and fear she has managed to allow unconditional love and commitment to outweigh all else. By doing so she has staked a “Higher Ground” and gained my admiration and that of many, many others!

All who sit here today have been challenged by life circumstances that give rise to fear, anger and guilt. We are human – and our weaknesses and vulnerability can make staking Higher Ground so difficult. Your energy may be consumed with rage at the person who was driving the car, the doctor who made the wrong decision, the loved one who betrayed you, to yourself for not seeing or doing what you presumably could have to prevent “it”, or perhaps you rail against God for letting this terrible thing happen! These are all normal responses to deep and damaging violations to your mind, body and soul! So how does one stake Higher Ground when in the very depths of despair?

Love! Sounds too simple doesn’t it? But Love is the answer! When our lives are turned upside-down, reaching out to others who have need or those in pain connects and fills your heart. By giving to others your fear, anger and guilt are soon displaced by love and a sense of fulfillment.

Just look around you… This place is brimming with people who have staked a Higher Ground through service to their fellow humankind. I invite you to experience their kindness, grasp their generosity and feel their love. Barbra Streisand said “The only way to fight back is to do good work and to leave a legacy of some kind, one that is positive, uplifting, and, hopefully, motivating.”

I invite you to allow these kind and loving hearts, and the force that guides them, to help show you the way to Higher Ground.

Bless you on that uphill journey!

Is Life Meaningless?

Delivered at Camp Ray of Hope September 2004, soon after the death of my father, who helped me find meaning in my life after my husband and son died. He was a cancer survivor for 22 years! He lived 21 years longer than the Dr. expected.This picture was actually taken five years after his diagnosis and surgery. There was no treatment for his cancer so he overcame the disease by finding meaning and joy in the simple things that - as we all learn with age are not necessarily the simple things but the most important. Dad was an inspiration to us all. This was written with him in mind as I recalled his courage, spirit and jest for life! I love you Dad! You will always be my hero!

One of my favorite movies of all time is “On Golden Pond?” I remember my parents going to see it at the movie theater, and how they enjoyed the banter back and forth between Ethel and Norman. My parents joked about that movie a lot, but I knew it was part of their anticipation about their next stage in life, as they tried to imagine what was in store. As they explored what would be meaningful in that next era.

In “On Golden Pond” Norman was retired – had been for nearly twenty years – but still had not found his comfort zone in that new role. He was, it would seem, one of those people whose identity was tied to what he did and not to his person hood. In the movie, Norman achingly searched for “gainful employment” when things and people far more meaningful were right under his nose.

On Golden Pond was brimming with other life lessons. When I envision my favorite scenes I recall summer on the lake, the call of the loons, humor, traditions, facing fears, growing up, the excitement of new beginnings, the unconditional love of a mother and courage to set limits. Those are the things that come to mind immediately, but when I dig deeper I also recall the challenging relationships, the sadness of lost dreams, aging without dignity, frustration, stubbornness, fear, the confusion and anger of a young man who felt unloved and unwanted, and eighty year old man waiting to die because he could not find gainful employment.

I expect Norman would have asked some of the same questions as Ecclesiastes did in the Bible: “What is the point of life? You work hard, and someone else gets all the credit. You struggle to be good, and evil people take advantage of you. You accumulate money, and it just goes to spoiled heirs. You seek pleasure, and it turns sour on you. And everyone – rich or poor, good or evil – meets the same end. We all die. There is only one word to describe this life: meaningless!”

I expect we have all had struggled with these feelings, thoughts and experiences at some time or another. We all have times when life seems unfair. We have all searched for reasons why – for the meaningfulness of life. We never ask this question more than when someone we love has died. Loss of a close relationship leaves a void beyond description. We lose perspective on the reasons for our very existence and sight of our purpose. Our passion fades, and sometimes our will to go on falters. We look to others who have “been there “and ask “How did you do it? Where did you find hope?”

Like Norman, we have meaning all around us - Look beside you, touch the hand of someone who cares, listen to the loons, smell Mother Earth, say a prayer, give yourself permission to smile – or even laugh – revisit old traditions and make some new ones, face your fears, shed some tears, set some limits, accept unconditional love with grace, and embrace new beginnings. Those are the things that bring hope and meaningfulness to life.

Having tried everything life had to offer Ecclesiastes circled back to an uncomplicated formula for making sense of our time on earth. Ecclesiastes 12:13 says “Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter. Keep God’s commandments for this is the whole duty of man.”

Praise be to God.